By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

No, this isn't a suicide note. At least, not from me. Instead, this is a post about the book I finished most recently that posed some interesting questions.
Yes, it posed the questions, but first let's start with a description. By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead is a novel by Julie Anne Peters. It follows the story of Daelyn Rice, a girl who has attempted- no, failed, several times before with her latest failure leading to a damaged esophagus and damaged vocal cords. When we come into her story, we find her dealing with a boy staring at her, something she doesn't experience often. The most she gets are the glares and the looks that quickly turn into laughter and torment. Daelyn has been bullied all her life. Mostly, she is made fun of for being fat, but that's not all that's happened. As she's researching wills, she discovers www.Through-the-Light.com.
Through-the-Light presents Daelyn with an interesting opportunity. It's a place that says that self-termination is her right, and it gives people places to talk about why they're committing, ways to go, and most importantly to Daelyn, a time to go. The minimum limit is 23 days, something Daelyn rebels against immediately. Why should she have to wait that long? However, she agrees and the site immediately begins to pose questions. "Will you be prepared, Daelyn Rice?"
"How will you get to the light?"
"Who will see you through the darkness?"
"What awaits you?"
"How will you be remembered?"
"Who becomes you?"
"What choice do you have?"
"Why are you here?"
All of these questions are asked over her 23 day period, and all the while, the boy begins to make contact with her. His name is Santana, and he's going through a time just as rough as Daelyn. The only difference is, he doesn't want to go, but is instead faced with a terminal illness. Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He's relapsing, and going through chemo again. The whole time, he fixates on Daelyn. She tries to ignore him, but his persistence gets to her. Santana is the only one who figures it out, simply because he's the only one she's confided in. He's seen her scars on her wrists from when she cut, and she's sent him the final clue on the night before her "Date of Determination." He bugs her about the neck brace she wears until the night of 2 days to go, when she finally responds with "i drank ammonia and bleach so i could die. r u happy now?"
On the day before she commits, Santana finds her yet again on the bench. He talks to her, telling her that everyone hurts sometimes, and all she can do is sob before she finally talks to him. He takes it all in stride and instead asks her to join him, yet again, for his birthday dinner. The book ends with Daelyn heading into the light, but it doesn't really tell you if it's the light that she was aiming for all along, or the light of another day that she will face, maybe this time, not so alone.

The things in this book made me question my actions. What if every time we say a word to someone, it pushes them to committing suicide? What if that one time you say something hurtful is the time that pushes them over the edge? On the other side, what happens when you're pushed that far? What happens when you're bullied beyond the point that you can cope? When you want to commit suicide, are you really ready to leave everything behind? Is there someone you're leaving behind that will end up in the same situation you're leaving?
A majority of the questions asked by the website aren't designed to turn someone away from suicide, but it does make you think about your choice long and hard. Would you be ready to leave on a set date? How many of us would panic as we felt that deadline approaching, not only the end of the time you've had to say goodbye, but the end of everything? And the biggest question of them all: What does leaving this world get us if we commit suicide? Does it stop the bullying or does it just encourage the bullies to do more? Daelyn was just one of many targets who were torn down so that others could feel better about themselves and their lives, but Daelyn never really tore anyone else down. She was pushed into silence by the power that her peers held over her.
But why is it that our peers hold so much power over us? For Daelyn, they held enough power to lead her to killing herself, having attempted so many times before she even found Through-the-Light. For others, it might just be enough pressure to do something we don't want to or shouldn't do. So why is it that people our own age can hold so much power over us?
This book raised a great deal of questions for me, and I know that they'll have me thinking for a long time to come, but what do you think?

The Lost World in summary

As I approached the conclusion of this novel, I began to wonder exactly how it ended. With fifteen pages left to the novel, the main characters find themselves in a room surrounded by raptors with what appears to be no way out. Even as the book draws to a close and the last inked words are read, I was confused. Yes, they were on a boat off the island, but we don't know if the boat has enough gas to get them back to the mainland, or even if they make it back due to other conditions. All we really know is that they do get off the island on a boat, as Ian Malcolm describes to them the answer to a puzzle they were working on the whole time they were on the island.

Despite this rather anti-climactic ending, Malcolm certainly brings up some good points.

"'Human beings are so destructive,' Malcolm said. 'I sometimes think we're a kind of plague that will scrub the earth clean. We destroy things so well that sometimes I think, maybe that's our function. Maybe every few eons, some animal comes along that kills off the rest of the world, clears the decks, and lets evolution proceed to its next phase.'" (Crichton, 429)

What if we are the next destructive force? The things we've already done to this planet are astounding. Not to mention the things we do to each other. In one way or another, it seems to me that the human race is intent on tearing each other down and not stopping for anything else in the paths of what we want. Even the most peaceful of protests is violent and destructive in its own way.  And maybe that's exactly what we need right now. A new force to step in and show us that we aren't always fully in control.

 

Kelly Curtis

Kelly Curtis is one of the characters in the story who has the fortune (Or misfortune, if you choose to look at it that way) of surviving the experience on the island. However, when we meet her, she is just a bored seventh grader in a classroom being instructed via video on a subject she already knows about. Her only friend in school is Arby, or R. B. Benton, an eleven year old boy who has skipped grades. She is considered a freak to her fellow classmates, all because she is good at math. However, she is chosen to help out Richard Levine, a scientist who is trying to prove the existence of dinosaurs in the modern world. Even by Levine, though, she is ignored and looked down upon, just like Arby.

For a while I associated myself with Kelly. We're both very smart, and at times looked down upon because of that. However, we both have very good friends who rely on us and like us just the way we are. We both have a passion for helping out someone who we think will appreciate the work we do. I would love to see dinosaurs up close, just as she does when she takes a trip to the island after stowing away in the trailer with Arby. We both have a sense for adventure and friends that others look down upon, as we are looked down upon ourselves. However, I think that there is where the similarities stop. I have not really been picked on too much for being smart, and I wonder if that is the time difference. This book was written in 1995, almost 16 years ago.

The time difference may be the reason that Kelly is so tormented by her fellow classmates, but I really doubt it. I think that the reason she is picked on so much might be due to the fact that she is a female, and therefore not expected to be as smart. Why is that, though? Why are women not allowed to be smart? It's not like we don't have fully functioning brains as well. Many times, a problem can be solved only by a woman because of her abilities to think differently. So why is that we are still so discriminated against for simply being smart?